No Vacancy | A Poem

 

The scratch of ballpoint pen to blank page pulls me back to this monotonous reality 

I have nothing to write 

A page once vibrant beneath my hand is empty 

Black ink splashes on to cream colored paper and I feel…nothing

The stars above me hold no secrets 

My eyes connect with lifeless words upon a page 

Paper coarse against my palms and it's edges cut my fingertips as they distractedly prod their corners

My mind whispering: “drink of this hollowness and make yourself full”

A tall glass once topped off, then half, now empty 

The motel sign flashes no vacancy

It's neon light transparent as I pull the door open

I've been here before 

Me wandering in the aimless wilds of my mercurial temptations.

Breathe life into my blood. Let me feel something. anything. 

Oh you quiet stranger waiting in the dark

Filet my heart and spill my blood upon your tongue

It is not that I wish to feel pain. It's that I wish to feel anything but this pain. 

How strange then that me, reaching down into the oceanic depths of my sinking soul, I find you there

I told myself I was not searching for you 

That this could not be the one commodity caught within violet rays of sunlight at dusk 

But yet there you were and here I stood.

A puzzle crafted of only two, with jagged ends that threaten mutual damage.

Two souls wandering alone separated by an ocean yet unified by darkness

And destined for violent coalescence among the cosmos

Together we laid siege to each other's citadels 

We waged a ultraviolent crusade against each other's caged hearts

I felt warmth spread over my skin like a summer wind 

You reached out and said take my hand and come with me.

Your fingertips pulled upon my tattered heartstrings and played what was once a familiar tune.

My eyes held your eyes, and your eyes held mine

And in that instant, I saw what life could breathe into our chaos

And for the first time I saw what love could mean and not had to.

For the first time I saw…you.